We were married 5 months before we had our first child. Prior to that, we had known each other for 4 years. When we brought our daughter home, as expected, our relationship changed socially, emotionally, financially and physically. Here are five ways:
1. His Social Life Bothered Me
Prior to having kids I didn't really care how he spent his life outside of work. Once we had children, I expected things to change because we are parents first. Instead, he continued his extracurricular activities and I was always left with the kids. I was also raised in a close-knit family and could not understand why someone would prefer to hang with their friends rather than their family.
2. His Philanthropy Upset Me
Now I have definitely grown from this, but it seriously used to bother me when my husband continued to give away money, especially to those I felt abused his generosity. I'm not talking spare change, I'm talking large sums. We lived on one income and I was struggling to raise the girls alone while he spent sometimes a week away from the family working endless hours to give it all away. I've come to understand that we are richly blessed and although we live paycheck-to-paycheck, there is always enough to help others.
3. No Patience For Him
Our children physically and emotionally depend on me for their everyday needs. By day end, I have given all my energy to them and have no patience for him.
4. Sleeping Apart
My husband first left the bed when our first daughter was born. He heard stories of parents rolling onto their children and he feared he would not wake up. Although I tried to get our newborn to sleep in a crib, it was more convenient for me to night nurse her if she was sleeping next to me. I also felt I could better monitor her breathing if she was laying next to me. 5 years later, it’s getting a little crowded on our mattress so he prefers sleeping in the girls' room or on the couch.
5. The Kids Come First
Now this has definitely been detrimental to our relationship and my health. During our newborn days, I did not sleep for days, which made me extremely irritable among other things. For months, I did not have time to eat properly or bathe daily. Making sure our children were clean, healthy, fed, entertained and well-rested became my focus. I spent so much time making sure these things were done I neglected my husband, but most importantly myself.
Until next time...
Peace & Love,
Dominique
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